"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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