Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he fucked my hip out of place.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
