funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
