We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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