I molested 6 butterflies tonight
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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