Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
