All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
