wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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