well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize