the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
