I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
