; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
