I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just want to make out with him forever
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
