the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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