tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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