I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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