Just cropdusted the office
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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