Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
