last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
