Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
