Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
