If that was your dad, he is hot
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The uberlube is also flammable
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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