Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
