Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
