Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
