dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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