You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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