Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
