If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Randomize
