All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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