dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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