Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
