I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
