She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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