actually, I'm a sock model
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
