I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
