You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
