I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize