I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
