a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
