I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
