I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
