Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
