So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
