I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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