Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
