I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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