HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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