i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
