is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
