i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
