thus making me awesome and them whores
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
