Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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