I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have feelings that need drinking.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
