Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
