Quick, to the slutcave!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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