all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
