Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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