I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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