they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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