It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
