I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
