i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
