ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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