I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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