Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
