Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
