After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize