i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
