Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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