There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
