Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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