I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
