im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
