I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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