They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I need to calm my uterus...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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