I want to walk on stilts...naked
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
