He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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