I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
