I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
soo... how was my night?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
