Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
