did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
