I could make wine with my vomit
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
