I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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