There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
