Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
