She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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