I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We got so high we made milksteak
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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