there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
