Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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